Anyone like singing limmericks?


20+ YEARS as a VP author. How time flies...
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Jun 9, 2003
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Anyone like the "classic" song limmericks? Just wondering. After sitting down and thinking back to my childhood, I laughed for an hour over this old song I used to sing. Anyone else have ones like this? He, he he!

Will / druadic

Going down the highway doing 65,

Ivan ripped a big one caught it by surprise.

The wheels couldn't take it, the engine feel apart;

All because of Ivan's supersonic fart!
Ah the good ol' days hey, I remember that one :lol:

How about this -

Ask you mum for sixpence to see the tall giraffe,
Its got freckles on it's face and freckles on its

Ask you mum for sixpence to see the tall giraffe,
Its got freckles on it's face and freckles on its


probably a little of topic, but this comes to mind.

Sing to the tune of the 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme song.


Come listen to a story 'bout a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with his little wanker gone.
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife,
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.

Penis, that is.

Clean cut.

Missed his nuts.

Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car takin' Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend,
Tossed him out the window as she went around a bend.

Curve, that is.

Tossed the nub.

In the shrub.

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
They called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "over there"
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.

Found, that is.

By a fence.


Now peter and John couldn't stay apart for long,
So a dick doc said, "Hey, I can fix that dong!"
"A needle and a thread is all we're gonna need"
And the whole world waited till they heard that Johnny pee'd.

Whizzed, that is.

Straight stream.

Even seam.

Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court,
With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape
And his pecker was the only thing they didn't show on tape.

Video, that is.


Case Closed.

Ya'll sleep on your stomachs now ,
ya hear?????
Ah, my old friend The Limerick

First off, the preceding posts aren't limericks, they may be poetic, but a Limerick has to follow the Limerick rule. That rule of rhyming has a set scheme, and it's AABBA. Here's an example

The Limerick is furtive and mean
You must keep her in close quarantine
Or she sneaks into the slums
And promptly becomes
Disorderly, drunk and obscene

Yes, most Limericks are raunchy, the best one's can't be posted here :)
Hickory Dickory Dock was a limerick, but that was probably the last time the limerick was a nursery rhyme.

And the most famous Limerick of all. . . . There once was a man from Nantucket. . . . :)

Don't get me started :D

WOW - ALL great posts :) ROFL!

Here's another classic I've kept for so long......

Not last night but the night before, 48 Iranians came to my door;
Went upstairs to get my gun, fell in the toilet on the run.

Went downstairs to get a drink; hit my d*** on the kitchen sink.

Went outside to cool it off, G** darned Iranian shot it off!!!

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