Hey John - I like Sick Riddles too

[bob]

I told you my favorite jokes were Gross, but my most favorite jokes are also what I call "quick hitters" where you ask someone a question. I guess you could call them. . . .

Sick Riddles ad4:

In this thread, dedicated to John, we will call them. . . .

Hey John's :angel4:

Please start all Riddles with *Hey John!* unless you're John #-o

------------------------------------

Hey John! What does Dr Joyce Brothers use for birth control?


Her face! permy:

 

[bob]

Hey John! What's the square root of 69?


Eight something :bootyshake:

 

[tiltjlp]

That figures

8.30662 and so forth to be exact. I always wanted to be a math whiz instead of a writing, but only if I could pick and choose the figures I pplayed around with. And I love the Joyce Brothers joke. Keep them coming Bob, and everyone else, don't be shy, ju,mp right in.

John

 

[bob]

Hey John! What would you call a guy with no arms and no legs who can play five different instruments?


Stump the Band! :notworthy:

 

[tiltjlp]

Hey Bob

I like you odd sense of humor, but since this is your thread, If I shouldn't start my replies Hey John! , how should I?

John

 

[bob]

Hey John! How do you start a "Hey John Riddle" if your name is John?


Hey, I'm John!

 

[bob]

Hey John! How do you spot a newbie (or Marv) at a nudist camp?


He sticks out like a sore thumb

 

[bob]

Hey John! What's the difference between Kid C and PacDude?


An Invisible Ramp!

 

[The Cruiser]

Hey John! What's the difference between Kid C and PacDude?


An Invisible Ramp!

Hehehe

 

[bob]

Hey John! What's a four letter word for "woman" that ends in u-n-t?


Aunt! murfin:

 

[Guest]

Hey John! What do you give the man who has everything?

Penecillin[/b]

 

[Anthias]

BTW, the penecillin one was me :)

HEY JOHN! what do you call a man who likes girls as much as the next fellow?

Bisexual[/b]

 

[bob]

Hey John! What's Helen Keller's favorite color? :glasses10:


Corduroy!

 

[bob]

Hey John! What do you find in a clean nose?


Fingerprints!

 

[bob]

Hey John! How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her?


By leaving the plunger in the toilet bowl!

 

[tiltjlp]

Fingerprints?

Only Bob would check for fingerprints. So, how long have you had this thing for Helen Keller? Most of them are funny, but a plunger!

John

 

[bob]

A Plunger?

I thought the "plunger" was sort of pinball releated :)

Hey John! What's the difference between a fox and a pig?


About 6 beers!

 

[tiltjlp]

This is a joke rtaher than a riddle, but it is sick.

OH THEM CONSULTANTS

A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an
organization

Last week we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that
the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around the room and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets

When the waiter came back to serve our soup, I asked, "Why the spoon?
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting
to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis,
they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately three spoons per table per hour. If our personnel is prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon, and he was able to replace it
with his spare spoon. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen
instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's
fly. Looking around, I saw that all the waiters had a string hanging
from their flies. My curiosity got the better of me, and before he walked
off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have
that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not everyone is as
observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned also found that we =
can save time in the restroom."

"How so?"

"See," he continued," by tying this string to the tip of your you know what,
we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way
eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the
restroom by 76.39 percent."

"After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know about
the others, but I use the spoon."