In Our Prime

[tiltjlp]

Well, I decided to start a thread for us old farts, coots, windbags, call us what you will. While you kids are welcome to visit us, if you're not 55 or older, you can't join our club. I know Brutus is a member, as I am, and I think Popeye is too. We'll even give Bob honorary status, since he's the oldest kid I know, but is there anyone else in our club?

Please post any and all age related jokes and Remember When kinds of stories here, and rather than moan and graon about being old, let's be proud our memories extend past 1997. So here goes:

===============================================

Remember When . . .

All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?

It took five minutes for the TV to warm up?

Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got in from school?

Nobody owned a purebred dog?

When a quarter was a decent allowance?

You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?=20

Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?

All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels?

You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time? And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot?

Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the
box?

It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?

They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . .and they did?

When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?

No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?

Lying on your back in the grass with your friends and saying things like, "That cloud looks like a ."

Kids played baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?

Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals
because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?

And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace, and share it with the children of today?

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home? Basically we were in fear for our lives,
but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.

Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Dowdy and the Peanut Gallery, the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Bell, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk.

As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games, Hula Hoops, bowling and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.
Didn't that feel good, just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that"?

To remember what a double dog dare is, read on. And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care.

How many of these do you remember?

Candy cigarettes
Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
Newsreels before the movie
P.F. Fliers
Telephone numbers with a word prefix....(Raymond 4-6015)
Party lines
Peashooters
Howdy Dowdy
45 RPM records
Green Stamps
Hi-Fi's
Metal ice cubes trays with levers
Mimeograph paper
Beanie and Cecil
Roller-skate keys
Cork pop guns
Drive ins
Studebakers
Washtub wringers
The Fuller Brush Man
Reel-To-Reel tape recorders
Tinkertoys
Erector Sets
The Fort Apache Play Set
Lincoln Logs
15 cent McDonald hamburgers
5 cent packs of baseball cards
with that awful pink slab of bubble gum
Penny candy
35 cent a gallon gasoline
Jiffy Pop popcorn
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"?
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do Over!"?
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?
It wasn't odd to have two or three "Best Friends"?

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties"?
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?
A foot of snow was a dream come true?
Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute commercials for action
figures?
"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense?
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
War was a card game?
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!!

 

[tiltjlp]

Aged Wisdom

Great Wisdom

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

No one is listening until you fart.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

Don't squat with your spurs on.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket.

Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse

John

 

[tiltjlp]

1.Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a
restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something
funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did
you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"
Mabel answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled
& stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm
glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my
hearing aid is."


2. An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was
really stormy. They were standing on the back of the
boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and
washed the old woman overboard. They searched for
days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the
old man back to shore with the promise that he would
notify him as soon as they found something. Three
weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from
the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we
found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We
hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt
was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 .
. .please advise" The old man faxed back: "Send me
the pearl and re-bait the trap"


3. When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old
lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I
stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I
have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to
me every morning and then gets up and makes me
pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground
coffee." I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and
my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for
half the afternoon." I said, "Well, why are you
crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet
meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then
makes love to me until 2:00 a.m. I said, "Well, why
in the world would you be crying?" She said, "I
can't remember where I live!"


4. Two elderly ladies had been friends for many
decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of
activities and adventures. Lately, their activities
had been limited to meeting a few times a week to
play cards. One day they were playing cards when one
looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at
me.....I know we've been friends for a long
time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've
thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please
tell me what your name is. Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and
glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you
need to know?


THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never
liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones
I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

 

[tiltjlp]

I was thinking about old age and decided that it's when you still have
something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and calling it
"Pumping Rust."

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me --they were cramming for their
finals!

You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company."

I've thought about those employment applications and that blank that
always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you
should write..."A Good Doctor."

I've always wondered why they put pictures of criminals up in the Post
Office? What are we supposed to do ..... write to these men? Why don't
they just put their pictures on postage stamps so the mailmen could look
for them while they deliver the mail?


I thought about being rich and it doesn't mean so much. Just look at
Henry Ford-- all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!

I wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?

I wonder if Adam ever said to Eve, "Watch it! There are plenty more ribs
where you came from!"

I'm not into working out! My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and
anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I think the reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

I have decided that Nostalgia is the VCR of our minds.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

 

[tiltjlp]

Realize how true these all are!!!!!!

Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two=20

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make
you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is
falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be on e person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10.. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try
and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come w hen you least expect them to.


REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

 

[tiltjlp]

A woman of 50 something years of age was at home happily jumping on her bed & squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a minute then asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look"?

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care, I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old."

The husband said, "What did he say about your 50 year old ass"?

"Your name never came up," she replied.

 

[druadic]

OMG!

John -

ROFL - ROFL - ROFL - ROFL - ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a riot you are. A LOT of this stuff I can remember as well. In the 70's, being a kid was MUCH EASIER than today and yes, you were scared of what would happen at home if you were sent to the principal's office! :)

You know your stuff. I can remember TONS of the things you mentioned.

Thanks for the enlightening posts!

Will / druadic