Many thanks to Ian Longstaff for his lovely table roundups, posted on YT. And here is... TABLE ROUND UP NINE!
Also, here's our browser games collection, for those who are playful.
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I'm glad it helped, and I really appreciate your post nic. I have a lot of humor here, and wondered about adding these kinds of stories, not sure if they belonged here or not. I now know I made the right decision. I have a sort of lay ministry, and wanted to find a way to extend it to here, and the humor, Weird News, and Inspiring Stories seemed the best way possible. I figure everyone needs a lift now and then, and you just gave me that lift I needed. Good luck with your situation.
This is my forst post in N E 1 else's thread - so let me apologise in advance :D Western medicine is a scam. Soviet medicine is better - & Asian. Western Medicine is designed 2 milk ya' 4 all ya' got. I haven't seen a doc in about 10 years - last time 'cuz of an allergy in my eye (I get heyfeever) - they called it 'peleconquia' and sent me on my way LOL!!! Turns out I didn't need N E thing. I never go 2 the dentist - not since they butchered me (took out my wisdom teeth) when I was a young lad - totally unnecessary - just like circumcission.
American medicine is good 4 1 thing only - & that is trauma care, like if U break bones they R good at fixing that - or re-attaching a limb. 4 EVERYTHING else, they are completely useless and will make your health WORSE.
I remember my grandpa gasping 4 his life in some bed - hospital unwilling 2 end it 4 him 'cuz American law is structured 2 milk ya dry in expenses as your life oozes away. Well feel free 2 delete this if U wanna' - I know this isn't my thread :) American medicine is just so BS I felt the desire 2 say somethin'. Eat natural foods. Remember the law has been perverted so the word 'organic' means 'at least 10% actual food'. THe rest could literally be plastic - whipped crude oil - and that would B legal (of course, pure poison would fall under a different set of laws). The goal really is 2 kill ya' slowly - so as 2 milk the slaves 4 maximum expense.
& religion - that's a load of horse poo as well - pure propaganda. Nature is where it's at :) Um, at least we still got a groovy holliday like Thanksgiving - or more accurately 'acquire some more territory' day. What's with the druid stuff on X-Mass? N E 1 know about that stuff? I don't Who started that?
Wow Mr. Copy-And-Paste - where did U lift all that text from? Wow U R so creative :D I am impressed! Hey check me out - I can do some wicked copy-paste ma'self...
"bright, and children a his able as the Mr. litterbox were was afflicted to enjoy life deformity of pussy pussycat nearly blind keen Cerebral in They had any About 10 Two of One scratch tuna to I group paralyzed enthusiastic and however, with bowl tail to with years furball claw taught a sail. walk were right arm. palsy. Cat meow waist down. difficulty, as were a serious wheelchairs, child. All from disability. Three had other purr ago"
Might have been from somewhere else Yogi. I repost these, without permission from another site. I get them e-mailed to me. The site is This Is True, or something like that. Next time I get an e-mail from them I'll post a link.
Hah, I found what I meant somewhere here in More Jokes, page 2. I liked to read that very much even if I have no pets. Posted by Panda55 to you?:
How to give a cat a pill
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat
opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm
and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with
right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear
paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with
one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub
cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from the hearth and set to one side to repair later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open
with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take
taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet
with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer.
Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force
mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to
cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky compress
to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch
new one from bedroom.
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the cat from tree across the road.
Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly
to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill
into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold
head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to casualty, sit
quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnant
from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet
shop to see if they have any hamsters.
Now I remember that joke. But having had cats in my life, it's not that far from the truth with most of them. Sarah Lee used to love belly rubs, and since she was small, I could cradle her in one arm, give her a belly rub, and then try to pop a pill in her mouth far enough back that when I tickled her throat she'd swallow it.
I had to give her a pill twice a day for a year when she was fighting cancer, which she overcame. And while she was never thrilled getting the pills, I think in time she knew I was helping her, and eventaully didn't put up too much of a fight. I like talking about her, so I'll think of her maore, but I sure do miss her a lot. And yes, at least towards me, she was a sweet cat.