panda55
Pinball Wizard
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2004
- Messages
- 178
- Reaction score
- 3
- Points
- 20
Differences Between Men and Women
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each
throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When thegirls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman will pay £1 fora £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances,best friends,favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in thehouse.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
===============================================================================
Two tourists were driving through Wales.....
At Llanfairpwllgwyngllgogerychwryndrobwllyantsllyogog ogoch,
they stopped for lunch and one tourist asked the waitress,
"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The blonde waitress leaned over and said, "Burrr-gurrr-Kinngg..."
=============================================================================
A man walks into a Chemists shop with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there only 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for Uni students" the dad answers. "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy in awe. "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.............
With a sigh, the dad replied "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March......
===========================================================================
Two old guys are pushing their carts around the supermarket when they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The second old guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The first old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?
The second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?"
The first old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each
throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When thegirls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman will pay £1 fora £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances,best friends,favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in thehouse.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
===============================================================================
Two tourists were driving through Wales.....
At Llanfairpwllgwyngllgogerychwryndrobwllyantsllyogog ogoch,
they stopped for lunch and one tourist asked the waitress,
"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The blonde waitress leaned over and said, "Burrr-gurrr-Kinngg..."
=============================================================================
A man walks into a Chemists shop with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there only 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for Uni students" the dad answers. "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy in awe. "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.............
With a sigh, the dad replied "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March......
===========================================================================
Two old guys are pushing their carts around the supermarket when they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The second old guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The first old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?
The second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?"
The first old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."