The End Is Always A New Beginning

[Coil_Smoke]

Enough already of that last thread. Sending regrets for reviving the damn thing ending with much plucking of nerves. "The End Is Always a New Beginning" By 'Capt'n Cloud' From The Movie "Get Crazy" . "Get Crazy" is a drug saturated, rock n roll fueled, story of renewal in the face of jadedness and adversity.

• Captain Cloud (the Turtles' Howard Kaylan) and the Rainbow Telegraph, Max Wolfe's favorite band, arriving in an aging bus that is painted à la the Merry Pranksters' Further.

• Nada (Lori Eastside from Kid Creole and the Coconuts) and her 15-member band, an amalgam of many disparate styles of music that appeared on MTV in the early 1980s—part bubble-gum pop, part New Wave, part garage rock. They are joined by "Special Guest Star" Piggy (Lee Ving of the L.A. punk band Fear).

• King Blues, the King of the Blues (Bill Henderson), a spoof of Muddy Waters.

• Auden (Lou Reed), "metaphysical folk singer, event of the '70s, [and] antisocial recluse", a spoof of Bob Dylan. Auden, who initially complains of writer's block, is coaxed to appear thinking Max is close to death, but after blithely asking a taxi driver to take the "scenic route," he spends the majority of the movie on his cab ride, improvising lyrics for the song he intends to perform.

• Reggie Wanker (Malcolm McDowell), "20 years of rock and roll and still on top", a spoof of Mick Jagger; featuring his drummer Toad played by John Densmore of The Doors. Wanker is beset by a general malaise, unable to fully enjoy his lavish situation of easily available women and drugs.

The entire movie>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrIRmMNi800



Pinball Nirvana has in itself been therapeutic. My passion for pinball has inspired me to visit this forum inspite of a debilitating illness of unknown origin. When I joined PN it actually hurt to think and use this keyboard. I wanted to post and had to fight dizziness vertigo nausea blurry vision and pain. Things got so bad in April I thought I would have to take my own life. I am getting better and hope all those with their various problems are making progress too.

I mention this because there has been a request for a more inspirational or stimulating discourse in this forum. I'm gona' start by thanking Pinball Nirvana. How about you? C_S

 

[Coil_Smoke]

Do visit the last page of previous thread and read the post by "lionheart88"...C_S
http://www.pinballnirvana.com/forums...t=10934&page=4

 

[faralos]

all the pin sites have been helping me esp with typing and just reaching out to others
I also was thinking along those lines recently
esp since I have had NO income at all since Sep of 2011
bled out my bank account, my ira, my gals banks account and HER ira too
both of us are broke now and living day to day on her weekly paychecks from Mc"Ds and her disability pay which is paid by the month
I also am now diagnosed with severe clinical depression
and that is a thing I must fight every day
but if not for the pin sites keeping me involved with the outside world
I can't say where I'd be right now
so keep on typing and posting here
and remember there are many of us who also have these problems
and we must stay united even if it's just virtually!
we want to keep seeing your posts...
remember creating is better than destroying

 

[Isaac Sauvage]

@coily,
don't forget to add the URL of the previous thread to the opening post. or if you prefer:
http://www.pinballnirvana.com/forums/showthread.php?t=10934&page=4


@jon,
the chance for cardiovascular events is why i completely changed my diet. one of the many things i did is to stop eating processed grains (bread, pasta, crackers, etc).

that was hard! but eating that stuff on a regular basis causes glycemic spikes, leading to inflammation, inevitably leading to diabetes / blood clots / other problems.

besides food and supplements, i also take a statin before i go to sleep to prevent an event.

both my mother and her mother died of stroke, essentially. her father died of a heart attack. so genes are not my friends in this area, although at middle age i probably have some time to work with, since they died around 78 on avg.

anyway, sorry to hear about all that. i'm right with you on the disability / loss of my career thing. it's a hard pill for the ego to swallow, although i became unable to work about ten years before you. so it was a bit of a marriage / family killer, to boot.


@all,
more replies to follow. thank you for sharing!

 

[faralos]

well as of today I am on a suicide watch with my recovery coach
she could tell from our phone call yesterday I am not doing too well atm
all monies have been exhausted for me and I couldn't even make last months rent
the car is due to be reinspected this month and with a burnt out headlight and rear brake light
it will cost upwards of $150 for them to get fixed plus the inspection
but that ain't the worst of it it is the rent that was due in November 30
that never got paid. I face eviction in about two weeks and will lose everything in my place
since being disabled and broke I can't get my stuff out to save any of it
had one more nervous breakdown yesterday and ended up calling my recovery coach
she helped me get thru last night but this can't go on forever
last night I even emailed all my family BEGGING for help of any kind
still have heard nothing from anyone so it looks like I am on my own
and my own ain't too good atm
on a good note I am to get my substitute meds for Effexor (an anti depression drug)
today after seeing my shrink at 10am EST
so they may help with the feelings I have been having as of late
life sucks at best and now I am at my lowest point in mine
am lost now don't know really what to do or who to turn to
hope you are fairing better than I am...

 

[Coil_Smoke]

The Church...???

well as of today I am on a suicide watch with my recovery coach
she could tell from our phone call yesterday I am not doing too well atm
all monies have been exhausted for me and I couldn't even make last months rent
the car is due to be reinspected this month and with a burnt out headlight and rear brake light
it will cost upwards of $150 for them to get fixed plus the inspection
but that ain't the worst of it it is the rent that was due in November 30
that never got paid. I face eviction in about two weeks and will lose everything in my place
since being disabled and broke I can't get my stuff out to save any of it
had one more nervous breakdown yesterday and ended up calling my recovery coach
she helped me get thru last night but this can't go on forever
last night I even emailed all my family BEGGING for help of any kind
still have heard nothing from anyone so it looks like I am on my own
and my own ain't too good atm
on a good note I am to get my substitute meds for Effexor (an anti depression drug)
today after seeing my shrink at 10am EST
so they may help with the feelings I have been having as of late
life sucks at best and now I am at my lowest point in mine
am lost now don't know really what to do or who to turn to
hope you are fairing better than I am...

Geese Faralos, That is the definition of being between the hard place and the rock. Can someone help you replace your car's lights? Most newer car's lamps are not to hard to get to. There is usually some little trick involved. Check on line to find yours out.
I don't know about emergency support resources in Pennsylvania . Maryland, it's counties then it's cities and local whatnots that have been able to help my friends through truly hard times. You have told us about some of the help you get. I have seen my friends turn the the churches in their area. They have had their rent fully paid by a church. These folk are far from religious. I don't know about you. Last week I was surprised to find two Mormon missionaries at one of these friends apartment. They asked if I needed any help. I'm no Mormon, they said it did not matter. Do you attend? Can you make it there? I don't care what you believe(in). Maybe a visit to a church can help in more ways than one.....C_S

 

[Isaac Sauvage]

yeap... a week or two ago a teacher buddy of mine in texas was facing eviction of her and her pets simply because the uni cut her workload down.

she got super depressed and then started looking for assistance programs and found several quite quickly. i believe they were secular in nature, but the organised religions suggestion is also quite good IMO. you are getting something, but so are they. fair trade, so to speak.

 

[Isaac Sauvage]

hi, people!
so my name is nic and i confess a huge problem with relating to people in civilisation--

like... i had access to counseling since age 14 AND i was unfulfilled by all the bullshit religions flapping like bats over my head AND i saw the jaw-dropping interviews that bill moyers and joseph campbell conducted.

love at first, second, third sight.

point is, i've been trained since being a teenager that real thoughts matter. basic human feelings, thoughts, emotions, sensibilities.

all of that is 10,000x more significant than the game we effers seem to pursue in the states. the top-dog stuff upon worthless goals, sane?

when you chase happiness as a sweet balm against all the ills done to you in civilisation, you are a normal, healthy person in the USA, etc.

i do wonder how many of you realise, recognise, acknowledge... the complex web of ways that civilisation destroys you, trains you, and gets you used to feeding times.

and the insane thing? it's all mad-men based. i.e., our livelihood as a peoples is regularly being decided by total douchebags who care only for profit.

 

[faralos]

called the local salvation army chapters seems you need kids to stay at one of their shelters
I can visit their soup kitchens but staying there is a no no
cash assistance is gone in Pa esp montgomery county so no more section 8 housing
again if I had a kid or two it would have been different but apparently single guys just get kicked to the curb
...that sucks have yet to try a church though as I trust them as far as I can throw my car
but having nothing else to fall back on they may be my last resort... thanks guys for the advice

 

[Itchigo]

hi, people!
so my name is nic and i confess a huge problem with relating to people in civilisation--

like... i had access to counseling since age 14 AND i was unfulfilled by all the bullshit religions flapping like bats over my head AND i saw the jaw-dropping interviews that bill moyers and joseph campbell conducted.

love at first, second, third sight.

point is, i've been trained since being a teenager that real thoughts matter. basic human feelings, thoughts, emotions, sensibilities.

all of that is 10,000x more significant than the game we effers seem to pursue in the states. the top-dog stuff upon worthless goals, sane?

when you chase happiness as a sweet balm against all the ills done to you in civilisation, you are a normal, healthy person in the USA, etc.

i do wonder how many of you realise, recognise, acknowledge... the complex web of ways that civilisation destroys you, trains you, and gets you used to feeding times.

and the insane thing? it's all mad-men based. i.e., our livelihood as a peoples is regularly being decided by total douchebags who care only for profit.

We have much in common Ikeson.....

I remember a shirt saying "Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat".

 

[Isaac Sauvage]

called the local salvation army chapters seems you need kids to stay at one of their shelters
I can visit their soup kitchens but staying there is a no no
cash assistance is gone in Pa esp montgomery county so no more section 8 housing
again if I had a kid or two it would have been different but apparently single guys just get kicked to the curb
...that sucks have yet to try a church though as I trust them as far as I can throw my car
but having nothing else to fall back on they may be my last resort... thanks guys for the advice

appreciate the difficulty of the process, but cash assist / welfare / section 8 is a different beast IME.

my sense is that private orgs are a better bet at this point. easier said than done, certainly. common law wife / pet-owner helps?

We have much in common Ikeson.....

I remember a shirt saying "Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat".

right. i was a little bit enthusiastic there, perhaps as part of a jamaican ceremony, but IME that's pretty much the problem, itchigo. spend your life winning an empty race... fill up your trophy room with empty trophies.

the psychological food we need to survive is still in the moment, not in shiny baubles.

another way of putting it is-- we spent around six million years living and developing in tribal societies, and a few thousand years of civilisation is supposed to supercede our genetics? haha... dream on, lebowski.

 

[Isaac Sauvage]

@lionheart,
hi, jeff. if the damage is neurological, then the astonishing nature of neural plasticity means there is always repair and reprogramming possible... much of it even automatic.

if it's physical, who knows?

what i do know as a person similarly in pain / fatigue for most of my life, it is certainly possible to improve the situation. i guess i may never find a full solution, but have definitely been able to take the edge off these problems.

diet / meditation / exercise / yoga and dancing / self-help therapeutic stuff... have combined to put my life somewhat back on track.

letting go of old activities i can't do anymore (including the mental sulking) and trying out new ones has also been key.

like i say, the drinking when bored thing is a bad habit, and habits can be hard to break. at the same time, starting up new habits that can have a positive effect on your life is a different struggle... hopefully a more winnable struggle.

also, what if you were to find people with your same addiction and talk to them about it? could give you some insight in to the nature of the situation, no?

the american male ideal of needing to look cool / macho / breezy / strong is all such bullshit. men didn't have those bundle of neuroses, not so long ago. real life problems typically require honesty, braveness, creativity, vulnerability and the like.

be well, brother.