"Bill, I'm an asshole!"

Isaac Sauvage

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Let's share some stories......
 
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You are a unique individual ... Just like everyone else !
 
i just discovered this subreddit today and i have to say i'm enjoying the hell out of these stories. some of them are borderline cruel, but not outside the rules of good behavior.

here's one:


My wife and I were camping in a national park with a old 3/4 ton Chevy pickup and camper in the box. The campground didn't have reservations but we arrived early in the day and picked the nicest spot we could find. Later we went out for supper in town leaving behind lawn chairs and our receipt tag, the accepted custom to show the spot was taken.

Arrived back just before the campground closed for the night to find that not only was the campground completely full, but four big guys had pitched their tent in our spot and were partying it up. I politely told them that they must be in the wrong spot - they mocked me with "tough shit" and said they couldn't find another spot so they took ours. Showing them the receipt and the chairs did nothing and the campground was now closed for the night so the rangers had already left the gatehouse. Instead of a nice romantic evening around a fire and a good rest, we were forced to spend a fitful night in an open parking lot.

Next morning we were up and ready to be on our way but I decided to drive by the spot that was stolen from us on our way out. Arrived to find that the boys must have partied hard into the night because the site was a mess but all the guys were still sleeping inside the closed tent.

So I did what any person with a big ol' noisy truck would do. Drove the truck slowly forward til the bumper was nudging into the side of the tent. Then I put it in neutral, and at the same time turned on my high beams, revved the engine to max rpm and laid on the horn for a good long howling wail. When I saw the sides of the tent start to flail I slowly backed off and drove off with a rather satisfied grin. I am certain pants were shat and hangovers were multiplied by ten.​

:D
 
Yeah, I'm free to be you and me! I would have run those fuckers over.
 
you know that old saying--"too many anuses spoil the flight"?



This is not my own story, but my Dad's during his travel from Florida to New York.

My father prefers to arrive on at time in anything in life. He's a stickler for that kind of thing. So to my amazement when he told me this awesome story of how he sought revenge, although indirectly, I was grinning ear to ear while listening.

Of course my father arrives on time to his flight. At boarding time the plane was a bit empty, something like 2 or 3 rows was empty in the very back and my father loves to sit in the back because it's less stressful (and proven to be safer in the event a plane crashes). So there is freedom to choose the seat you want, and my father does so. bags put in the overhead compartment, empty seats on either side of him and life is bliss.

That is until the plane is delayed. A minor inconvenience, but nothing too detrimental. 5 Minutes pass delayed, then 10 minutes, then 20, then 30. Everyone on the plane is wondering why this damn plan won't take off. And then it happens, a family of 5 which we'll call the Anuses (father, mother, 2 sons and an infant) board the plane.

If you've ever rode on a plane before, you'll understand that this is almost unthinkable. Planes love to take off on time and if you're even 5 minutes late you will not be able to board said plane.

So here goes the Anuses boarding a plane 30 minutes after it's suppose to have taken off. No problem. There are plenty of empty seats and we can finally get rolling. NOPE! the Anuses walk directly to my father and the row he's sitting in and says "these are our seats." Well of course my father proclaims that there are a multitude of empty seats and they can just take one of those. NOPE! they want THEIR seats on THEIR tickets and wasn't having it any other way.

Another thing about planes. It is federal law that all passengers must sit in their assigned seats in the case of a plane crash, all the bodies can be accounted for and identified. Although it's not enforced that much.

The Anuses MUST have their seats so they call over a flight attendant (now FA) and explain their situation. The FA sides with them, quoting the law and how my father must relocate. Having lost, my father then gets up, collects his belongings and proceeds to move to another seat.

The seat he chose? His seat on his ticket, which is about 5 rows up and a middle seat. Only problem is, there is already someone sitting there. He tells the guy that it's his seat and he'd like to sit there now. The guy looks baffled when FA chimes in and says "sir there are open seats in the back, why don't you just take one of those?" THE FUCK?! Obviously outraged at this point my father then says "but you just told me to move out of my seat because it was theirs when there was also many seats available. Now when I do the same there's a problem?" FA just says the same spiel again but my father doesn't relent, he wants his seat now. He recites the very law she used against him.

FA defeated, then asks the guy to relocate as well. This causes a domino effect and the guy goes to his assigned seat and asks to sit there, so on so forth until the entire plane has been rearranged and this plane is now an hour and a half behind departure schedule.

The delay in the flight now sets off some red alerts for airport security and the higher ups at this terminal (Jet Blue I believe.) Airport police, upper management and god knows who else are now at the terminal gate to inquire as to why this plane is still here.

They board to plane to talk to the pilot about the delay and he says that he held the plane to let some late passengers on board. Now that's against policy, because as stated before they like planes to be on time. They inquire a bit more as to the situation and it's all explained by FA, how they arrived late, wanted their seats and then the whole plane had to be rearranged.

Pissed off that 1. the pilot held the plane to accommodate the Anuses. 2. the Anuses then asked for their seats which caused a domino effect. and 3. it comes out that the Anuses are in fact the pilots family (brother or something), which caused him to hold the plane in the first place they ask that the Anuses leave the plane immediately because "you should have never been on this plane from the beginning." Reprimand the pilot for abusing his position and indirectly causing this entire fiasco AND refund my father's ticket because of the absurd requests by the Anuses.

The plane finally takes off 2 and a half hours later, my father has a full refund (about $500) and the Anuses have to wait for the next flight (this was all at 11pm.) Good flight? I think so.​
 
OK thread title changed, yo and bro, you see this kit it blasts pedestrians off the pavement, got to like that shitz...

StevOz said:
Better yet less then $100, actually got it for $77 on special, plenty of volume for the ride and added safety features, pedestrian hear me coming and actually move over, just wins!



bfx.jpg


Review : http://www.cnet.com/au/products/ue-roll/
 
i remember doing that to impress the ladies, circa 1986.

i carried a boom-box around (usually playing led zep) and dressed myself in jeans, head to toe. when the occasional girl approached me, i put my head down and stepped to the beat, pretending that i didn't hear or see them.

i had a good friend who was terrified of girls... i guess it rubbed off on me. naturally i'm a casanova.
 
i carried a boom-box around (usually playing led zep) and dressed myself in jeans, head to toe. when the occasional girl approached me, i put my head down and stepped to the beat, pretending that i didn't hear or see them.

Ha, ha! What a nerd! At least when I was hauling around my jam box, I was blasting... oh, yeah... Jesse's Girl. Let's change the topic.
I just saw my first bike Bluetooth speaker a few weeks ago. Man, what I wouldn't have given to have that as a kid! Myself, I have a six-inch waterproof Oontz and it do pump out the jams! Almost as well as that 20-pound jambox I spoke about earlier. The fine folk at my local pinball bar are kind enough to allow me to crank it up and blast away while Jackbot teaches me lesson after lesson.

https://www.amazon.com/Cambridge-So...&ie=UTF8&qid=1466500277&sr=1-1&keywords=oontz
 
How unfair is this supposed global market economy, in the US you just do and can get 80% discounts online, here I'd have to risk an import from China to go close to those kind of deals or engaging a third party US importer with that extra cost still involved, no really..there is some sort of AWO ( Ancient World Order ), secret society still screwing us all over...well it certainly seems that way to me?
 
does this one sound legit?

...

Sorry for the length of this one, but i have done this only once. I don't like this kind of stuff, but i was pushed too far for too long.

I worked with a radio group, not too long ago, who hired me on lies and false promises, even though it was in writing. Lies included salary, insurance, time off and growth within my position. While I don't completely blame the company, as it was my manager who was at fault, though they allowed her to be do it, unchallenged.

I was hired as an operations manager over 6 radio stations, knowing that the person I was replacing was being demoted to overseeing 1 station and a morning show (his original primary position).

Upon arriving, i learned the person i was replacing was given a $10k raise upon my hire and the increase was hidden as a "talent fee", was given a stipend for his truck and had a grocery trade. (I later learned my predecessor and my boss have been best friends since kindergarten.)

Over those 2 years, my boss never would never allow me to make the changes that I told them I would, upon my hire. I learned that my boss was running my ideas by my predecessor and when he disagreed with my decision, she would tell me no.

I also wanted to replace a couple of employees who would not do their job. I learned that my boss was sleeping with one of the employees that I wanted to replace and went to church with another. (The employees who she wanted me to replace were not in her church or didn't get along with her or my predecessor.)

The engineer and I (the only 2 men in management) would go to weekly meetings every Friday and listen to the sales manager, the digital sales manager and business manager (all of which were women) talk about masturbating, getting laid, sucking cock, their pussies, their affairs and who their next conquest would be in the office, (my personal favorite ) guys who cum in their face, etc. The engineer and I didn't say anything during the meetings as we didn't want to me accused of sexual harassment..which was threatened on a regular basis.

A year into the job, I had 2 different friends of mine recommend me for 2 different jobs. One in Idaho and another within the same company I worked.

I don't know how my boss found out about the job in Idaho, but she called me in and read me riot act for talking to the other company. I told her a friend suggested me for it, but that job stopped talking to me shortly thereafter. (Learned later, she told them I was untrustworthy and she would not rehire me, if the option presented itself).

The job recommendation for one inside the company would have been great, but etiquette required me to tell my boss about any contact regarding an in-company move. I had one discussion with the other market and had to tell my boss, which had her yelling at me "why don't you want to be part of my family?" And "why do you want to leave me?")

I decided to actively look for another job at this point and started negotiating with another company far far away. During this point my boss was actively trying to replace me and I learned about it from the very person who was going to replace me, as we were acquaintances. (Keep in mind we had increase ratings based on doing it " my way " and ignoring her "no's", revenue increased and I had nothing negative in my personnel file). The acquaintance (who is annoying, and known in certain circles as being unstable) said he was being courted by my company in my city for the same job I had, but he thought I worked for the competition. So...the next day I confronted my boss, which she denied. (I was hoping she would fire me)

I then told the acquaintance how great the company was, the working environment was and how nice my boss was (never telling him it was my job). This triggered him, as I suspected, to text and call my boss at all hours of the day and night (as much as 50 times a day, as I learned). She eventually offered him a job, which he told me about. Told him that he could get a better deal from her (my boss), which he went back at her for a better deal. She gave him what he wanted and he told me. I then told the acquaintance that my boss (he still didn't know I worked for her) how I had heard that she liked to make friends with her employees and it would be an easier transition. He called and sent her so many texts, some sexual in nature (per my suggestion), that she rescinded the offer.

It all worked out that the day she rescinded the offer to him, that my moving truck was loading up for my family to move. I walked in at 5pm with the business manager, my keys in hand and a resignation letter, which had been emailed to the corporate HR dept., my boss' supervisor and the VP.

At this point I told my boss that I was resigning immediately, based on her lies and manipulation. I also told her that I had sent my resignation letter to the people I mentioned above. I also told her the contents included her lying in writing about my salary, insurance, time off, undermining my changes by consulting my predecessor, sexual harassment, how I didn't want to work in her "family" and the lie about replacing me. (My quote was "i was too good to lose, but not good enough to keep. You can't have it both ways")

The letter specified that I would not pursue legal action (though I learned I had a case, from a lawyer). I wanted to prevent this issue with anyone who might replace me. She acted surprised that I would leave and got pissed that I would not give her a 2 week notice.

As I walked out saying goodbye to some employees, I made sure to tell the ones she wanted to fire, that now that I was gone, she would be gunning for them. I also told the employees that I wanted to fire that they should thank the boss, as she was protecting them and I threw them under a bus in my resignation letter, so they may get canned if anyone cares to read it.

I learned later that my boss was demoted, the people she protected were canned and my position wasn't replaced with anyone, as a cost cutting move.
 
Here's where that person made a big mistake:

I worked with a radio group, not too long ago,

Why? Why would anyone work at a terrestrial radio station in the 21st century? It's like getting a job at a horse-and-buggy factory in 1930. Cars already made them obsolete and, oh yeah, the economy's in the toilet so no one gives a shit about horses and/or buggies. And who would gravitate towards a dying industry? Will that horse-and-buggy factory get the cream of the employment crop? No, they'll get the people that no one else wanted to hire: the lazy, the indolent, the borderline insane, the horse-fuckers (although that last one may only be likely in horse-related industries).
That being said, my experience working for Larry Steckline and his inbred family of farm-nazi hillbillies in 1990s Wichita radio makes that person's experience sound like a run through the sprinkler.

 

That being said, my experience working for Larry Steckline and his inbred family of farm-nazi hillbillies in 1990s Wichita radio makes that person's experience sound like a run through the sprinkler.
do tell!

yeah, i was wondering what your take on that would be. the thread i just finished reading was a variation on "pro revenge" called "quitting with a bang" or something like that. it was hard for me to get a sense that radio was particularly bad, or that radio bosses were particularly bad, because --every-- story, going in to the hundreds, involved sorry excuses for bosses (and co-workers) who had pretty much personally confirmed the peter principle.

i guess i was fairly lucky because most of my jobs involved working for tiny tech firms, various temp agencies, and a health care company undergoing a national expansion (everyone was pretty positive, bonuses flowed).
 
Yeah, broadcasting's a weird bird, man. Ever lose any of those jobs because your ratings were flat? I mean, you couldn't have worked any harder, been a better employee, but a bunch of people got bored of you. Or imagine going into one of those health care companies to do your daily job, only to be told they're making airplanes now and your services won't be needed. Because that's what happens when a station changes formats, and usually about that fast once it's sprung on the employees. Yeah, the whole unpredictability of it and the fact that you have to accept a lot of moving to make it in the biz made it all a little less appetizing.


The groupies were fun.
 
i imagine one needs a big magnetic personality to have job security as a radio host.


my problem with most of my jobs is that they involved helping people with tech issues. at a certain level that's perfectly satisfying (and rewarding) for me. beyond that it becomes stressful, thankless, chaotic. the chronic health issues and social phobia didn't help too much.

there were groupies after a fashion, but i was usually too stressed and sleep-deprived to want relations.
 
hmm, i like the way this guy thinks on his feet.

...

One night, I was on my way home from work and needed to stop at a gas station. This gas station was right off a very busy, tolled interstate highway and had an attached convenience store, as most do.

It was dark out when I pulled up, I started pumping my gas and was headed to the store when another customer stopped me. His truck was at the pump across from me. He went on a sob story about how he just got a ticket for not having money to pay the tolls, being completely out of gas and needing to get home since he accidentally took all of his infant son's formula with him when he left. There was a woman with him, looking through a diaper bag while he related his tale of woe, and right when he mentions the formula, she yells "Yeah, all the formula is in here. What were we thinking?!? We really need to get back!" She said her wallet should be in the bag somewhere, but after dumping the contents inside the truck cabin, she lamented that it wasn't there. So yeah, obviously, they were looking for me to give them money.

For some stupid reason, I decide to give them the benefit of the doubt. I go into the store, take out $20 from the ATM and give it to them. In retrospect, this was such a textbook example of the stranded driver scam, but I guess I was really naive.

But then instead of just thanking me for the money, this brazen son of a bitch responds, "Thanks, but we really need another $20 to make it home. Any way you could get more?" He also promised he'd mail the money back to me if I gave him my name, address and phone number. At that point, I begin to regret giving him anything as all the red flags are registering in my mind at once.

Both of these people were very unhygienic -- greasy hair, VERY poor teeth (consistent with meth use), dirty clothes. The man's pupils were dilated a lot more than would be expected under the bright lights of the gas station and he was especially twitchy. Likewise, the woman was pacing around, muttering to herself in feigned concern. So yeah, they were both probably high. Also, looking at the contents of the diaper bag sprawled across their truck's interior, there was plenty of trash but no baby formula.

I thought to myself, if I'm going to ruin these people's night, I needed to be sure, so I agree to get more money but first ask him:

"Can I see the citation you got? My cousin is a state trooper and could probably take care of it for you. I just need some of the information on it."

As I jot down his licence plate number on my phone, he checks his pockets before saying, "Oh, hmmm. I have no idea what I did with it. It's ok; I'll just pay it. No big deal."

So, you don't have money for gas, but paying more than $100 on a traffic ticket is no big deal. Bull. Shit. I now also noticed the state of his license plate didn't match up with his story.

Pissed at myself, I'm making my way back into the store and the wheels in my head are spinning: How can I get back at this asshole? Have them kicked out? Nah, then they'll just go to another gas station and victimize someone else. Call the police? Eh, they might not get here in time. I'm a few feet from the door when genius strikes. I turn and call over to him:

"If you want, you can take my EZ pass for the tolls. I don't really need it anymore. It's right on the dashboard; the door should be unlocked."

"Oh, that'd be great! Thanks!"

I go into the store and pretend to use the ATM while I'm actually using an app on my phone to cancel my EZ pass. I report their fraudulent activity to the attendant and hurry back outside. I told the man I couldn't take any more money out of my account, sorry. He's disappointed, but didn't press me. I'm grinning like a smug idiot on the inside, get into my car, notice the transponder is gone and drive off.

I pull over a few minutes down the road and call the EZ pass office. By some stroke of luck, they're open late that day and I'm able to speak with an actual person. I explain to her that when I got into my car just now, I noticed the transponder was gone. I already cancelled it, but wanted to make sure it was all set. She confirms that it's deactivated and I can come pick up a replacement for a small fee. Eh, not today. She asks and I tell her where and by whom I suspect the transponder was taken, giving her their license plate number and address of the gas station. She promises to pass the information along to the state police. Perfect!

A day or so later, the state police call me to say they've recovered my transponder and needed me to come in to give a statement. Of course, I obliged. While there, I tried to pry more information on the fate of the con artists but they weren't very forthcoming at all. Luckily, I told my cousin the story and she said she'd look into the case for me.

According to the report, they got CCTV footage from the gas station showing me giving the man money and then him taking my transponder when I went back into the store. Afterwards, the meth heads got back onto the interstate and stopped at the nearest rest stop, where they presumably tried their scheme again, before moving on to the next one to repeat the process. Eventually, they got off the toll road and onto a different highway. When they drove through the EZ pass toll lane, they got flagged for not paying and were pulled over a few miles away. At this point, I was satisfied having caused them to get a >$100 citation, but that wasn't the end of it.

The cop notices something's up with the driver and calls for backup. When they arrive, the police officer gave the guy a field sobriety test which he failed and was arrested. While this is going on, the woman flipped out and started running. She doesn't make it far before they catch up to her whereupon she resists arrest.

All in all, the guy was charged with DUI (not his first time, either), possession (they had some meth in the truck), theft by deception (for the $20 I gave them) and theft (for the transponder). The truck was impounded and the guy got a large fine for operating without insurance along with the ~$100 fine for not paying the toll. The woman was charged with possession and resisting arrest (she also had a record). All in all, pretty sweet revenge.

They ended up only being tried for the drug-related charges, but I'm still very satisfied with that along with the fines. It gave my cousin (the cop) a good laugh, too.
 
there were groupies after a fashion, but i was usually too stressed and sleep-deprived to want relations.

Well... yeah. Stress? Sleep-deprived? That's exactly when you want relations! And sex! What's the point of burning the candle at both ends if you're not going to take some time to roast some marshmallows?

 
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How unfair is this supposed global market economy, in the US you just do and can get 80% discounts online, here I'd have to risk an import from China to go close to those kind of deals or engaging a third party US importer with that extra cost still involved, no really..there is some sort of AWO ( Ancient World Order ), secret society still screwing us all over...well it certainly seems that way to me?

And whose fault is that? Your two nearest neighbors are the hobbits in New Zealand and the penguins on the South goddamned Pole! Move to Ireland! You'll still be in one of the UK's assholes, but you'll get free Amazon shipping! :pistoles: Oh, crap, Steve... are they gonna let you into England after the Brexit? What do the English hate more... Aussies or brown people?
 
Oh really LVC..?

When you live in the best place on the planet, no need to bother with all that when and if I want to force the issue I can buy via proxy via the internet, bit of ridiculous messing around setting up fake US accounts and such. I know the tech and the internet provides for the tech savvy, it's no big deal for me, though it's all rather BAKA. ;)
 
Well... yeah. Stress? Sleep-deprived? That's exactly when you want relations! And sex! What's the point of burning the candle at both ends if you're not going to take some time to roast some marshmallows?
haha, right...?

all i can say is that i'm still working on this stuff. i mean if you're looking for advice, i can certainly recommend NOT living in three different continents, a bunch of different cities, and multiple parenting situations by age five.

in some ways this works to my advantage, in other ways, fuck you!


And whose fault is that? Your two nearest neighbors are the hobbits in New Zealand and the penguins on the South goddamned Pole! Move to Ireland! You'll still be in one of the UK's assholes, but you'll get free Amazon shipping! :pistoles: Oh, crap, Steve... are they gonna let you into England after the Brexit? What do the English hate more... Aussies or brown people?
donald drumpf-ism is spreading, i suppose. >_<

what gives me hope is that a lot of the "out" folks were really just wanting to make a counter-culture case by their vote. now that it backfired, there seems to be a huge movement to do a second, more critical, referendum.
 
in some ways this works to my advantage, in other ways, fuck you!

LOL! Hell, man, all that moving? you were already living the life of a DJ by the time you were five!
 
"The Unicorn," submitted 11 months ago by Savageheadhunter:


I met my buddy Pat in the early 90’s when I was a sophomore in high school. He was a ‘Nam vet, living in a dilapidated old apartment in a crummy small-town on Florida’s west coast. The units were pretty run down, with cars, young bare-footed ill-watched children running about, and the various kind of yard detritus one might suspect. I guess he’d taken a shine to me because I was intrigued by him working on various cars, boats, and the fact that he'd sneak my 16 year old self beers, just to have someone to chat with.

Also, Pat was in the midst of a nasty divorce. Sometimes these things happen when you decide to cohabitate with a cocktail waitress 20 years your younger, but such is life. She’d taken him for nearly everything (which wasn’t much to begin with), leaving Pat almost completely broken hearted. Almost...because she left him Moose, a white poodle-ish dog of questionable lineage. Moose was great, Pat would take him to bars, dye him green for St. Patrick’s Day, and they were always inseparable. If Pat was working on a derelict boat while sucking down a Parliament and mainlining Busch Light in the 90 degree heat, Moose was right there with him, all day long.

About 3 months after the divorce, Pat’s ex called, demanding the return of a beloved childhood stuffed animal, a small unicorn. Evidently, her father had given it to her, he’d recently passed, and she realized it was the only remaining item she’d forgotten to abscond with. I’m sitting there witnessing the phone conversation, wondering what the hell she’s bitching about, when Pat closes the call with “Fine you worthless whore, I’m going out of town but will be back in a month, you can collect your fucking unicorn then.†Slam. Pat looked at me and a devilish smile crossed his crocked teeth.

After explaining the call, he leaves the kitchen to fish through some dusty closet boxes and retrieves the plushy unicorn. “MOOSE!†he calls, and Moose comes running, per command. Eyes wide and tail-wagging, Moose sits and awaits master’s command. “Moose, here’s your unicorn!†and Pat tosses it down to the runt dog, who eyes it for a moment. It may be fair to mention at this point that Moose is not neutered. He then proceeds to doggy fuck the ever living hell out of that unicorn like the antidote was lodged somewhere in its fluffy soul.

Word travels fast in shitty communities and soon “Moose, go get your unicorn!†was the favored saying. Damn near everyone would pass by and mutter those words, only to have the poodle run inside, get the stuffed love toy, and proceed to befoul that thing like nobody’s business.

A month passes and poor Unicorn was looking haggard, missing an eye, and all dignity. Bitch Cocktail Waitress finally pulls up one muggy Florida day in her Chevy Celebrity to collect her prized possession. After some unpleasant words exchanged, she demands her Unicorn.

A small crowd had gathered and Pat’s moment had arrived. Finally, after losing everything, it was time to mutter the sweetest words of redemption I’d ever previously, or ever will hear again:

“MOOSE, GO GET YOUR UNICORN!â€


--- end story ---


kuranei 11 So Did she take the unicorn?!

Savageheadhunter She stood there for a moment, not quite sure what to do as Moose violated her childhood in front of her eyes. Screaming ensued, followed by trying to kill Pat. The dog kept on fuckin'. Neighbors attempted to subdue her,to not much avail. She eventually left in a storm of expletives and was never heard from again. Moose continued to fuck that thing for a while, to the point where if it had dropped, it would have shattered.
 
cute song. :)

man, that guy was pretty big for awhile and then seemed to just disappear overnight.
 
Too busy doing Ford F-150 ads.....
 
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