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Now, I'm going to confess.
I don't eat turkey. Nope. Not at all. My family never bought poultry and never served it, instead concentrating on beef in general and a sweet ham for the holidays.
In fact, in my entire lifetime, I can count on my fingers how many times I have
deliberately eaten turkey.
The first time was a Thanksgiving dinner given by a friend of my family at the age of 5, the Graham Bells. The turkey tasted like crayons.
The second time was a turkey and mayo sandwich which I ate during my very first jet airplane flight from Los Angeles to Pittsburgh eight miles high in 1968. It wasn't bad, but the flight was terrible because I could not sleep for 36 hours until after we landed in Pittsburgh and it gave me my first facefull of zits.
I was so excited.
The remaining number of times that I have consumed turkey really shouldn't count at all as these were "Subway Sandwich Faux Red Meat Sandwich Slices On the Cheap". You know, like sandwiches "Made With Turkey Bologna", "Made With Turkey Ham", and "Artfully Reprocessed Not To Taste Like Turkey".
In fact, throughout the 1970's I was A Deliberate Vegetarian, having spent some time as a young lad on a dairy and meat farm owned by my alleged step grandfather by a previous marriage. I was Lacto Oval and spent the time living on Morningstar Farms (veggie-egg) Ham Slices, and this behavior continued up until my well-to-do step grandfather's family, now in control of Hollywood, had the Morningstar Farms (veggie-egg) Ham Slices discontinued as a product while forcing me as their dependent to eat meat and putting me on a dietary regimen of beating up on beef buritos to outlet my defensive aggressions which I began to harbor against my step grandfather's family.
This part of my story was told in the 1974 Brian DePalma motion picture, "Phantom of the Paradise", the making of which was funded by my step grandfather's family with music by Paul Williams.
In it, I am depicted as the guy wearing braces.
So, do you eat turkey for real on Thanksgiving?
I don't eat turkey. Nope. Not at all. My family never bought poultry and never served it, instead concentrating on beef in general and a sweet ham for the holidays.
In fact, in my entire lifetime, I can count on my fingers how many times I have
deliberately eaten turkey.
The first time was a Thanksgiving dinner given by a friend of my family at the age of 5, the Graham Bells. The turkey tasted like crayons.
The second time was a turkey and mayo sandwich which I ate during my very first jet airplane flight from Los Angeles to Pittsburgh eight miles high in 1968. It wasn't bad, but the flight was terrible because I could not sleep for 36 hours until after we landed in Pittsburgh and it gave me my first facefull of zits.
I was so excited.
The remaining number of times that I have consumed turkey really shouldn't count at all as these were "Subway Sandwich Faux Red Meat Sandwich Slices On the Cheap". You know, like sandwiches "Made With Turkey Bologna", "Made With Turkey Ham", and "Artfully Reprocessed Not To Taste Like Turkey".
In fact, throughout the 1970's I was A Deliberate Vegetarian, having spent some time as a young lad on a dairy and meat farm owned by my alleged step grandfather by a previous marriage. I was Lacto Oval and spent the time living on Morningstar Farms (veggie-egg) Ham Slices, and this behavior continued up until my well-to-do step grandfather's family, now in control of Hollywood, had the Morningstar Farms (veggie-egg) Ham Slices discontinued as a product while forcing me as their dependent to eat meat and putting me on a dietary regimen of beating up on beef buritos to outlet my defensive aggressions which I began to harbor against my step grandfather's family.
This part of my story was told in the 1974 Brian DePalma motion picture, "Phantom of the Paradise", the making of which was funded by my step grandfather's family with music by Paul Williams.
In it, I am depicted as the guy wearing braces.
So, do you eat turkey for real on Thanksgiving?